If It Means A Lot To You
by ihavetohaveaname
Summary: Takes place just before the Omega 4 Relay, Shepard decides he needs to make peace with Ash. Little four chapter fiction. M!Shep/Ash.
1. Hey Darling

A/N; Just a little idea I came up with while listening to this song. Italics represent flashbacks, even though quite a lot of this fic is in-game dialogue I'd like to think I've added another layer of depth. Anyway reviews appreciated, Thanks!

Disclaimer; Bioware owns all characters, and the song 'If It Means A Lot To You' belongs to A Day To Remember.

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><p><span>If It Means A lot To You Pt 1<span>

_And Hey Darling, I hope you're good tonight.  
>And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving.<br>Yeah I want it, but no I don't need it.  
>Tell me something sweet to get me by,<br>'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing  
>La, la la la, la la la <em>

"Please confirm destination, Shepard. The Reaper IFF is online, but there is a chance the Normandy may not survive the Omega 4 Relay. Once we are on course we are committed," EDI's computerised voice came through the ship's intercom system.

Shepard stared intently into the Galaxy map before nodding his head, "The Collectors took my people time to get them back," he spoke with unrivalled determination.

"You got it Commander, Plotting a course for the Omega 4 relay. ETA two hours, I'll let you know when we arrive," EDI's voice was swapped for Joker's as his voice now filtered through the Comm. Shepard stretched out his arms and cracked his neck. He let out a deep breath, and turned round to make his way to the elevator, but not without being stopped by his XO.

"Joker's finalising preparations now the trip should take a few hours, I'll admit it Shepard I'm impressed you got us here, are you ready?" Miranda asked Shepard, with the signs of a faint smile; she was impressed with him to say the least, although in a couple of hours all their preparation would be tested.

"We've got the right team and the collectors own technology. We can do this," Shepard reassured, fairly confident in his own words.

I hope you're right Commander, we'll know soon enough. I'll inform you of any changes, otherwise we'll be there in a few hours. Good luck Shepard, see you on the other side," Miranda's smile became much fuller as she saluted the Commander, her eyes gleaming with respect for the man in front of her. Shepard returns her salute; even though she was never military it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Shepard walked into the elevator, and hit the button for his personal cabin. Waiting in the elevator his mind danced around what he was doing now, taking on the Collectors with twelve of the craziest people in the galaxy, which ranged from a convict, a Geth, an expert thief and a Krogan super-soldier. He ran a hand over his head, was this all over his head? Could he actually pull off the impossible? Or was he simply deluding himself and the rest of the crew?

The 'beep' from the elevator snapped him away from his thoughts. Shepard slowly stepped into his own Captain's cabin, looking at all of the model ships he had collected in his travels throughout the galaxy. Despite always being busy somehow he had found the time to build all of the ships, it was his own little hobby. He'd always found ships interesting, considering he spent his life growing up on them it wasn't really surprising, always travelling with his mother from one ship to the next.

Shepard's eyes cast over the rest of his personal 'decor' in the cabin. He gazed at the table that stood beside his bed, holding his previous life. He edged towards the table picking up his old battered N7 helmet; those stages in his life were a much simpler time. He was in everyone's good books, The Alliance, The Council. Instead of having to wipe out an entire race he was simply tasked with hunting down a single rouge SpecTRE. He chuckled out loud, simple wasn't the word, Joker was right it was hell at the time, yet now though he couldn't think of a better time. And all that was left was a couple of trinkets. Twenty nine years of his life and all he had was a helmet and a couple of pictures.

Slowly placing the helmet back onto the table he exhaled noisily, and sat heavily on the edge of his bed clutching the bridge of his nose. The last time he was heading for a 'Suicide Mission' he spent his time in a very different way. With her, Gunnery Chief Ashley Madeline Williams;

_Two naked, glowing sweaty forms were entangled upon the hard uncomfortable military issue mattress with sheets haphazardly thrown over the pair. Ash's cool damp body pressed against Shepard's, his arm snaked around her waist as her head rested upon his shoulder. _

_The two marines in the past hour had broken all of the regulations in regard to fraternization, but if anyone did found out it would still be pretty low on the list of possible charges; Treason, mutiny, theft and even kidnapping. Shepard smiled; he wouldn't swap it for the galaxy. "What are you smiling at?" the woman who rested on his shoulder asked, her dark brown orbs searching his own steely blue eyes._

"_What's not to smile at? We're mutineers, thieves and hell I could be a kidnapper," Shepard chuckled as he spoke but his voice held a vague tinge of worry._

"_Kidnapper? Skipper you're only four years older than me, plus I was hardly resistant," She lazily traced patterns on his chest with her nails causing him to shudder slightly, making her laugh quietly. _

"_Ash," Shepard paused slightly, "I want you to know that when we get back I'm not letting you take any of the fall for any of this," He said sincerity laced in his voice. _

_Ash stopped tracing the patterns and looked up to him, "You still think we're going to live?" She raised an eyebrow at him, falling back to her defence of avoiding the real issues. He sighed lightly, "Sorry...,"She whispered. Ash thought quickly about what she wanted to say, "No Skipper, it was my choice too it shouldn't come to that anyway, when we live and stop Saren you'll be considered a hero not a convict," she concluded feigning a reassuring grin at him._

_Shepard tightened his grip on Ashley's waist slightly, "Hopefully, but if not your career is still ahead of you and I'm not letting you jeopardize that for me," Shepard said slowly._

"_But..." Ashley was cut off by Shepard's index finger firmly placed on her lips._

"_We won't worry about it now; I think we should get some sleep only about another four hours till we get to the Mu Relay. Enough 'vigorous activities' for one day," Shepard smiled and stroked Ash's flowing hair which was unusually loose after being released from the usual tight bun she wore it in._

"_Aye Aye Skipper," Ash responded in her best military grunt voice. He leaned down to give her a passionate kiss before the pair settled down to get what little sleep they could for the mission._

Shepard sighed with that memory he gained not only happiness, but also great sadness it simply reminded him that she wasn't here now with him. He sauntered slowly over to his desk and plonked down onto the chair and spun round once, only to be caught by the picture of Ash that stared back at him. Shepard carefully picked up the picture and looked at it with a sad regretful smile on his lips. The last time he saw Ash was on Horizon and he acted like a prick, there was no other way to put it, he simply forgot even though it had been two months for him it had been two years for her. He hated himself for it.

"_We had something Shepard, something real I...I loved you, I almost...how could you put me through that?" Ashley accused her voice stuttering at multiple parts during her admission, she continued to stare at the ground. "Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" She asked quietly, perfectly aware Garrus and some Krogan were stood behind him._

_Shepard stood there, speechless. Those three words had never been said between the pair before; sure he probably thought that way but never got up the courage to admit it perhaps because he was worried she didn't feel the same way. She almost...Shepard hoped it wasn't what he thought it was, she was a strong woman surely she would never think of 'that' just because of him. Shepard blinked a couple of times to bring himself out of his thoughts. "Ash I was clinically dead, it took two years to bring me back," He explained with the same quiet tone, holding out his right hand as if to help to his explanation, they were standing no more than two feet apart. He took another deep breath, "You've moved on I don't want to re-open old wounds," He lied, but with such conviction. He just wanted to make her happy. _

"_I moved on..." She whispered unconvincingly, "but here you are pulling me back in, and now we've got reports about you and Cerberus," She said much louder so the two aliens behind Shepard could hear her._

"_Reports, you mean you already knew?" Garrus asked from behind Shepard. _

_Ash's marine posture returned, "Alliance Intel said Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies. We got a tip that Horizon could be the next to get hit," She informed the trio although not looking at Shepard more focused on Garrus, her focus then shifted back to the leader of the trio. "I went to Anderson, but he wouldn't talk. But there were rumours that you weren't dead worse that you were working for the enemy," She said once using her hands to do the explaining once again, she always used to mock him for doing it, looks like she picked up his habit. _

_Shepard grimaced slightly he didn't want to be working for Cerberus, but he couldn't say he wasn't working for them. "They're a necessary evil Ash, I'm just trying to save our colonies you've seen what the Collectors are capable of," Shepard tried to justify his reasons for being part of the terrorist organisation._

"_Do you really believe that, or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think?" She took another small step towards him. "I wanted to believe you were alive, I just never expected anything...like this," Her voice once again a mere whisper. She looked into his eyes, the same steely blue they had always been still held the same look of sincerity and passion. "How could you turn your back on all of us? You betrayed the Alliance...Anderson," She paused; "You betrayed me," That hit Shepard, hard she could tell as he visibly flinched away from her words._

"_Ash you know me, you know I'd only do this for the right reasons," Shepard lifted his right hand up again as if to put it on Ash's shoulder in comfort, but quickly retracted it as he realised what he was doing. _

"_I'd like to believe you Shepard...I really would," Her mind continued on with its own personal war, "But I don't trust Cerberus and it worries me that you do. What did they do to you?" She asked to no-one but herself, "Plus what if they're behind it? What if they're the ones working with the collectors?" She continued to ask questions from her Intel it could be true, or was she just making excuses for not trusting him...she didn't know. _

"_Damn it Williams, you're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!" Garrus shouted at Ashley, Garrus had grown accustom to the marine on their quest for Saren. He had probably even considered her a friend; she was straight talking and could even make him laugh occasionally. But right now he couldn't believe that she was saying all these things to Shepard._

"_You're letting their history get in the way of facts," Shepard reiterated._

"_Or maybe you feel like you owe them because they saved you, maybe it's you. Doesn't matter," She took a deep breath preparing herself to turn him away, "I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance Soldier; it's in my blood," She said with belief and certainty. "I'm reporting back to the Citadel. I'll let them decide if they believe your story," She finished and turned and began to walk away from him._

_Shepard outreached a hand trying to stop the inevitable, "Don't go Ash, join me...it can be just like old times," He pleaded with her as she turned back round to stare into his eyes again; they held such determination yet sorrow all at the same time._

"_No it can't, I'm no fan of aliens but Cerberus has a history of being extremists I'll never work for a group like that," Ashley said, her voice saddened slightly but that same Marine undertone was present throughout. "Goodbye Shepard...Just try to be careful," her voice sincere truthful as she turned and walked away back behind the crates and buildings she had appeared from leaving Shepard stood speechless. _

_He took a deep breath and lifted his hand to his ear, tears stinging in his eyes threatening to fall. "Joker; send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony," he spoke though his voice wavered and cracked at the end, as a single rogue tear fell down his cheek._

Shepard shook his head lightly in disapproval he could have told her more, so much more, he could have told her that he loved her, but no he was too scared. He placed the picture back down onto his desk slowly. Realising what he had to do, he opened up his private terminal opened up his inbox until he found the message he was looking for entitled; 'Hey there.' He had read this message over and over again trying to decipher her words, figuring out if he still had a chance. He still didn't know. Shepard simply hoped that she was ok. He read through the entire message focusing on the use of his old nickname 'Skipper' smiling slightly to himself, he probably would have been irritated if anyone else called him that but she seemed to say it with great respect. Finally he read through the last passage; the exert from Tennyson's 'Ulysses', the lines she had spoken to him before Ilos, Shepard felt his smile grow slightly. Was this her way of telling him that she still cared for him? He wished he was right.

Maybe it was better this way though; maybe he should just let her get on with her life. Sure he wanted this, but he didn't _need_ it as such. Although he was on the way to a suicide mission and possibly even his second death, but there would be no-one to put him back together this time. Shepard decisively opened up a reply and began to type, though quickly began to have difficulties with what he wanted to say. He rubbed his fingers over his brow in a vain attempt to draw out his feeling, and how to put them into words.

Eventually he decided to simply write how he felt, no sugar coating if he was going to die he wanted her to know exactly how he felt. So his fingers began to dance over the keys forming words from the base of his heart.

About sixty minutes later he had finished typing up his response, it wasn't that long but it said all that he wanted to say. He signed it, and then began to read his words through once again checking he had expressed himself properly. "Shepard we're just about to enter the Omega 4 relay," Joker's voice startled him slightly, interrupting his proof reading.

"I'll be down," Shepard spoke with slight hints of annoyance in his voice. He sighed and quickly hit the send button; there was no going back on his words now. Shepard allowed himself one last glance at Ash's photo, smiling as he found his drive to complete his mission he cracked his knuckles (A terrible habit he had) and walked to the elevator.


	2. Hey Sweetie

**A/N;** Thanks for all the favourites and alerts and of course Reviews! This chapter is from Ashley's POV, italics represent flashback and typed words, though it should be pretty clear which is which. Please let me know what you think so R&R!

**Disclaimer: **Mass Effect and characters belong to Bioware. The song 'If It Means A Lot To You' belongs to A Day To Remember. Finally the song Shepard uses is 'Always' and belongs to Panic! At The Disco.

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><p><span>If It Means A Lot To You Pt 2<span>

_And hey sweetie,  
>Well I need you here tonight.<br>And I know that you don't wanna be leaving me,  
>Yeah you want it, but I can't help it.<br>I just feel complete when you're by my side,  
>But I know you can't come home till they're singing,<br>La, la la la, la la la._

The door of the Citadel apartment beeped as it slid open and Ash stumbled through the door, cursing under her breath as she threw all of the paperwork she'd been saddled with on the couch. She breathed heavily and ran a hand over her hair in an attempt to restrain the stray hairs that had escaped from her tight bun.

Ashley looked down at the piles of paper and datapads shaking her head slightly in disbelief, who knew that this SpecTRE training involved so much bloody paperwork? If she wanted to be a desk jockey she would have applied for that.

Shepard never seemed to have that much paperwork, actually check that he was always in his cabin when he wasn't talking to the crew or in the mess, Ash now understood how he spent his time.

Shepard.

Ashley felt like shit after Horizon no other way to put it, and she had probably made him feel the same way. Although about a week after Horizon she felt the need to excuse herself through an e-mail.

_Ash sat slumped at her desk in the small apartment she had been put up in. Her terminal towering over her as she thought back to Horizon. Shepard didn't deserve the 'welcome back' she gave him, this was no hind sight thing though, and this was something she regretted the moment she walked away. She buried her hands in her head, who treats the man they loved, love? She wasn't sure at that moment but she still felt disgusted with herself. _

_Ash quickly opened up a message and began to type trying to express her apologies but also try to justify her actions; she found the message surprisingly easy to write. She read through it and was already happy with the end product. Now smiling slightly she signed it. However her smile faded, there was something wrong with the message...She felt the need to show her unsure feelings. She thought about how to do this she definitely was not a words person. Her mind quickly flickered back to the time she admitted that to him, after reciting her favourite passage from 'Ulysses', well perhaps not her favourite but certainly the part that summarised Shepard. Ash couldn't quite explain what compelled her to type out that passage at the bottom of the message, but it just seemed to complete her message. She hit the send button hoping the message would reach him. She felt the weight lift of her shoulders. _

Ash was still wondering whether he would ever reply, she knew he had a busy schedule, but the insecure part of her mind wondered whether he would ever forgive her, hell she didn't even know if she would forgive herself. And now she was training to become the second human SpecTRE considering the first one has gone 'rogue,' and has become 'un-reliable', in the words of Councillor Valern. But that SpecTRE was the one she owed this opportunity to; he gave her the best recommendation possible when they completed their mission to stop Saren. That's what got her noticed by the SpecTRE's and got her promotion to Operations Chief and more recently Lieutenant. Ash had always felt that he was giving her preferential treatment despite the fact that he always swore that he didn't.

"_Skipper you better not be treating me differently to the rest of the crew, because I don't need it," She warned, a stern strong look in her eyes. Ashley had began to think of Shepard as more than a Commanding Officer, she knew he thought the same way, he told her as such. He was a very blunt person she appreciated that a lot, no sidestepping with Shepard it always was a straightforward assault. _

"_Ash, I promise you are gaining no preferential treatments," He said eyes sincere, truthful. _

"_Then why am I always going groundside with you?" She asked, she probably believed him but when you were a relative of General Williams, you treated everyone with suspicion. She didn't want his sympathy. _

"_Chief, you are undoubtedly one of the best soldier's I have ever served with," Ash felt her cheeks redden slightly. "If you think I bring you groundside because of our..." he stumbled searching for the right words in his mind, "...Relationship," he cringed slightly regretting his word choice already but kept speaking, "then you're wrong, the reason I bring you with me as I know I can trust you to watch my back," his crooked smile spread across his face. "Not to mention if I screw up I know you'll tell me."_

_Ashley found it hard to restrain her smile, it was kind of sweet when he stumbled over his words. How she a simple marine could have Commander Shepard, the man who negotiates cease fires with biotic extremists, stumble over his words. "Well you kind of screwed up just then Skipper," She laughed slightly at his cheeks as they began to colour. _

_Shepard rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, thanks for pointing it out," he replied his voice filled with sarcasm. Their eyes caught for longer than usual, the tint of blue in his eyes shining back to the dark brown of her own. Ash forced herself to look away. That was close, too close. He knew it too. "I'll talk to you later Ash," he said as he slowly turned to walk away. _

"_Looking forward to it...oh and Skipper," she said causing his body to spin back round to look at her. "I may be watching more than you're back," she whispered with a seductive rasp in her voice as she winked at him then turned back to her station busying herself with upgrading the weapons. _

Bringing her back to the current day was the sound of ringing coming from the terminal based on the desk in the corner of the room. Ash pulled herself back to reality and sauntered to the terminal, it was an incoming video call from Abby. She accepted the call, and quickly sat down in the chair to see her sister, with her young nephew; Elliot who sat on her lap contently making a gurgling noise. Abby looked quite a bit like Ash as they shared the same dark eyes and full lips, although Abby had her mother's light brown hair compared to Ashley who had inherited the dark brown hair from her father.

"Hey Abs," Ash said with a smile as she looked at Elliot.

"Hey sis, how's the whole training thing going?" Abby asked.

"Slowly...A lot of paperwork," Ashley replied honestly.

"Told you it wouldn't be all fun and games," Abby chuckled slightly back at her sister.

At that moment baby Elliot started crying and despite Abby's best efforts he wouldn't stop, the next thing Ashley saw was James swoop by and take the crying baby from her sister, "Oh hey Ash," James said as he passed in front of the camera.

"Hey James, how's the engineering job going?" Ash asked, she liked James. Although when Abby had first brought him round to the house, she was the typical big sister making sure he was the 'right sort' for Abby, but he quickly passed her test. From what Ash could tell he was a great boyfriend and father, at least one of the Williams sisters knew where their love life was.

"Going good, just got a new contract," James answered back over Elliot's hollering, "I better go deal with grumpy, Bye Ash," James walked away from the screen cooing the baby.

"Bye," she shouted unsure whether or not he heard her. "You did well Sis," Ash commented on her relationship.

"I know. Any special guy for you yet?" Abby asked raising an eyebrow with a grin, although after seeing Ashley wince she dropped her eyebrow and her head slightly. "Sorry, still complicated huh?" She asked she knew Ashley's relationship status was always complicated, although just how complicated Abby couldn't comprehend.

Ashley feigned a reassuring smile. "That's one way to put it," she didn't want to talk about this; it's not that Abby didn't listen or that she didn't trust her, she just didn't want to talk about it. "Anyway, Elliot looks well," Ash continued the conversation breaking the awkwardness.

Abby picked her head up and smiled at her sister once again, "Actually that's one of the reasons I called, did you get the e-mail I sent you? It has a video in with him having a laughing fit it's really cute," Abby said her voice evidentially excited.

Ashley smiled how Abby; her strangest sister called a baby laughing 'cute' instead of 'stupid' or 'boring' as she used to. "Haven't checked my e-mails, I just got in one minute I'll look now," She humoured her sister as she minimised the video call and went to check her e-mails.

"Ok," Abby confirmed.

Ashley looked as her inbox read three new messages; One from Abby, one asking whether she was "Big Enough in the bedroom", and the final one from...Ash gasped loudly, him.

"Sis...?" Abby asked nervously.

No answer.

"Sis, say something you alright?" Abby's voice became more panicky.

Ashley gulped hard bringing herself back to hear Abby's worried voice ring through her ears. "I'm fine...I'll call you back," She said hurriedly.

"Wha-?" Abby's voice was cut off as Ash hit the disconnect button. Re-opened her e-mail inbox and opened the one from Shepard. She couldn't help but wonder what compelled him to send her a reply after about two months after she had sent hers; she swiftly stopped these thoughts telling herself just to read the damn message.

Her eyes widened as she slowly read the words, taking in every detail;

_Re; Hey there  
>From; Commander_<em>

_Ash-_

_I'm incredibly sorry for not replying earlier, not to make excuses but the main reason being I've been ridiculously busy. The other reason...well I guess I didn't know what to say (I'm no more of a words person than you are), but here it goes;_

_I'm not going to lie to you, Horizon did hurt; A lot, but I can understand why you said what you did. I also need to apologise I just didn't realise even though it was two months for me; it was two years for you. I'm so sorry for leaving you Ash; you know I would never leave you through choice. _

_While I'm writing this the Normandy is on its way to the Omega 4 Relay, we're only two hours or so out...I'm worried Ash. I've already lost my entire crew to the Collectors. I guess that's another reason I decided to write this now, funny how our emotions and passions are at their highest when we're about to challenge death huh? Like Ilos, although no beautiful, badass marine to keep me company this time. _

Ashley grinned slightly feeling her body heat up, before she trained her eyes back to the screen;

_I guess what I'm saying is I miss you Ash, but in the same way I'm glad you're not here, I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to you (Cliché? You know me)I don't know what will happen, but I want you to know that I will always be yours but if the worst comes to past, I hope you have an excellent life, career and find the perfect man; you deserve all of it. _

Ash felt her eyes moisten and glass over at the thought of losing him again;

_But let's just hope the worst doesn't come to past._

She wiped a hand over her eyes and let out an unnerved chuckle, at the way he could so easily dismiss death.

_Trust me I have plenty of determination and drive to come back, even if it is just that flicker of hope that you still feel the same we used to. Whatever long shot that may or may not be. I will let you know what will happen; after I do the impossible, again. I promise._

_Yours Always,_

_Skipper_

_P.S You know I don't have poetry memorised like you, but as you know I love my 21__st__ century music hope this brings back some memories;_

_It was always you falling for me,  
>now there's always time calling for me.<br>I'm the light blinking at the end of the road,  
>blink back to let me know. <em>

Ash smiled as she kept re-reading the message. Her worry for his safety was also on her mind, but somehow his message had eased her nerves, perhaps it was his honesty. Somehow in her heart she just knew he'd pull this off, it was his job to do the impossible. She glanced at the time the message was sent; her heart skipped a couple of beats, as he had sent the message three hours ago. He'd be through the relay by now...hopefully. He'd be there at the forefront of humanity's defence once again, and out of all the women in the galaxy he could so easily get he was chasing her.

She looked at the final words or rather lyrics he had typed out, her mind recalling the time she found out his unknown skill, well unknown to many but her;

_Ash stood outside Shepard's cabin a bottle of whiskey in her hand, she was going to ask him to celebrate Armistice Day with her, when a muted sound came from inside. She pressed her ear to the cold metal door to hear a voice with a smooth musical sound accompanying it. The voice was singing along to the tune played, although she couldn't quite make out the words. _

_Pulling her ear away from the door she tentatively raised her hand and rapped a small tune on the door. "Come in," she heard his voice call from inside. She hit the button and the door slid open to reveal Shepard sat on the edge of his bed with an old acoustic guitar perched professionally on his lap. Raising an eyebrow she stepped through the threshold of the door letting it slide shut behind her. Shepard laid his guitar on the bed and stood up to greet her, "Hey Ash" he glanced down to the bottle she held in her hand. "What's the bottle for?" He questioned before gently removing it from her hand to examine it, their fingers grazed causing a small shock to course through Ashley's body. _

"_Thought you'd share a drink with me Skipper, it's Armistice day," Ash explained hoping it wasn't an unreasonable request, it seemed like a good idea five minutes ago._

"_Sure, why not?" Shepard exclaimed as he walked over to his desk opened the draw where he pulled out two shot glasses, Ash wondered why he had them there but instead her focus was drawn to the instrument that was on his bed. _

_Just as Shepard opened the bottle Ash spoke, "You play the guitar?" Her curiosity got the better of her. _

_He stopped and set the bottle down, walked over to the bed and sat balancing the guitar on his lap before strumming through all the strings once, "When I have time," he answered._

_Ash walked over looking down at Shepard holding the guitar, how hands so adept to killing looked like any other pair of hands wrapped around the guitar. "When did you learn?" She asked generally interested in how a committed soldier found the time to learn to play a musical instrument. He scooted over, allowing her to take a seat which she did so making sure to place herself the right distance from him, not too close but not too far that she'd be falling of the bed._

"_When I was a child, I got it for my...ninth birthday from my mum, a kid who spends all his time on a star ship can get pretty bored," he smiled at her. "I sort of taught myself to play, occasionally this serviceman mum had on board would teach me," Shepard paused drumming his fingers on the neck of the guitar trying to remember his name "Private Harris, was his name," Shepard concluded._

_Ash smiled trying to imagine a nine year old Shepard sat on his own teaching himself to do something, it was an endearing thought. "What was that you were playing before I came in?" She asked her curiosity peaking once again. _

"_A song," he eluded the question." Wait you heard me singing?"He joked slightly although a small blush blemished upon his cheeks. _

"_Not really the door blocked most of the sound," she saw Shepard relax slightly. Before she stopped herself her words fell out for her mouth, "Sing it to me."_

_He gulped slightly, "Might be a bit sappy for you Chief," he smiled. He didn't mind singing but he didn't really like the idea of an audience, admittedly it was only Ash but he was worried about embarrassing himself. His mum always said he was good, but that was his mum all mum's had to say that._

"_Try me," she almost whispered. "And Skipper, I'm the one who recites poetry remember?" She chuckled lightly._

_He sighed this was a battle he wasn't going to win. "Ok fine, but promise not to laugh," he warned, although fairly aware that Ash knew better than to laugh at her Commanding Officer._

"_I promise."_

"_Ok then here it goes," Shepard said as he concentrated on the guitar strumming specific chords in a soft melodic tune, his eyes were still focused on the guitar as he began to sing, albeit quietly;_

"_When the world get's too heavy  
>put it on my back, I'll be your levy.<br>You are taking me apart,  
>like bad glue on a get well card."<em>

_Ash was speechless, he wasn't a fantastic singer but he was definitely a good singer. Shepard was now seemingly in the rhythm as he drew his eyes from the guitar in order to look at her, as he sang the next couple of lines;_

"_It was always you falling for me,  
>Now there's always time calling for me.<br>I'm the light blinking at the end of the road,  
>blink back to let me know."<em>

_Shepard played a couple of other strings and finished with a final strum of all six strings, staring back at the guitar as he finished. Ash didn't say anything; she didn't quite know what to say. "That's not the whole song but..." Shepard stopped looking deep into Ash's eyes, there was something there. He blinked a couple of times to snap himself away. "Anyway how about that drink?" He smiled before standing to pour out the glasses._

Ash sat grinning to herself, if someone was to look into her apartment now it would have looked ridiculous. She still found it hard to believe how Commander Craig Shepard found his time to sing and play the guitar. He had promised he would teach her one day. She smiled slightly before opening up a reply and simply typing a four word response;

_See you soon Skipper._


	3. If You Can Wait

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all of the feedback good to know people are actually enjoying the story! One more chapter to go now, and it's going to be the big one! I apologise if there are mistakes in this chapter as I skipped a couple of editing steps, if you spot anything just let me know. Anyway italics are flashbacks, R&R if you can and enjoy!

**Disclaimer; **Bioware owns Mass Effect and the song 'If It Means A Lot To You' belongs to A Day To Remember.

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><p><span>If It Means A Lot You Pt 3<span>

_If you can wait till I get home,  
>Then I swear to you that we can make this last.<br>If you can wait till I get home,  
>Then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in our past.<br>Well it might be for the best._

Shepard felt the adrenaline course through his veins as he pumped his arms and legs towards the Normandy to outrun the seeker swarms, the collectors and the blast that would destroy the entire station. He looked up to see the Normandy and Joker who was aimlessly firing an assault rifle out through the airlock, Shepard watched as Thane and Miranda made the small jump from the platform to the airlock, where they resumed Joker's position.

Suddenly the two platforms leading up to the Normandy crumbled and fell into the chasm below, leaving about a twenty metre gap between the station and the Normandy. Shepard felt his determination waver slightly; the gap was surely too far for anyone to jump, even a man who was more cybernetic than he'd like to think. No, he had promised Ash he'd come back for her, he kept his promises. He looked down at the ground continuing to build up speed, before soon he was at the edge. He jumped, waving his arms and legs in hope to propel him through the air, it felt like he was moving in slow motion.

Shepard hit the side of the airlock gripping onto the edge attempting to climb up when he felt a stray bullet hit him square on the arm in between the armour plating, causing his right arm to give and let go of the ship. He felt himself losing grip with his remaining hand, this was it _I'm so sorry Ashley. _His final thoughts were interrupted when a green scaly hand grabbed his arm pulling him up, Thane. He was obviously much stronger then he looked, Shepard smiled and pat Thane on the back as he climbed through the airlock behind Miranda, Thane and Joker letting the airlock seal behind them to the sound of slugs hitting the metal of the ship. "Detonation in 11...10...9" EDI's voice rang through the ship as Joker hobbled to his chair.

"Yeah I get the gist of it EDI," Joker shouted as he sat in the chair pushing buttons. "Hold on," Joker warned as the ship propelled as it hit the Omega 4 Relay, Shepard grabbed onto the back of Joker's chair bracing himself for the sudden stop. A sudden jerk stop, confirmed they had made it through the relay, Shepard felt a small smile grace his lips as he let out a low relieved chuckle.

"We did it..." he spoke quietly, "...How's the Normandy Joker?" Shepard asked the pilot who simply let out a deep sigh and sat back in his chair.

"Stable, we've lost two propulsion systems a couple of other systems damaged too," Joker informed as he tapped away at the consoles in front of him.

"Good job, can we get to the Citadel?" Shepard winced as he removed his arm from Joker's chair watching as blood poured from the gun wound staining his black armour red.

"Come back from hell, and all I get is a 'good job'," Joker quietly muttered as he continued to punch the buttons, "ETA 34 hours," Joker said. "Got an incoming call from The Illusive Man, this could be interesting." Joker told the Commander with a rueful grin on his face.

That was an understatement; Shepard wanted to break the man's jaw. "Joker, tell the crew we're going to the Citadel," Shepard dismissed as he strode towards the briefing room. The internal damage could have been much worse as the occasional heat screening monitor were broke along with multiple bands of metal lying across the walkways, a repair project would definitely be needed that was the second reason he was going to the Citadel, the first was much more selfish.

Shepard acknowledged and thanked multiple crew members as he walked through to the briefing room, he picked up a metal girder that lay in the doorway and propped it against a wall. Slowly he stepped into the area, where the familiar orange cross-hatches surrounded him and allowed him to see The Illusive man sat, with the familiar cigarette in hand, in front of a burning bright blue celestial body. He stood at the sight of Shepard and took a long drag, "Shepard you're making a habit of costing me more than time and money," he spoke in a low, harsh warning tone as he tapped the ash off his cigarette.

"Sorry, getting a lot of bullshit on this line," Shepard held his left hand up to his ear. He really didn't care about what The Illusive Man had to say, more like a lecture anyway.

"Don't try my patience, the technology from that base could have secured human dominance in the galaxy," he replied with an unnervingly calm voice.

"Human dominance? Or just Cerberus?" Shepard shot back leaning forward pointing at The Illusive Man with a vicious scowl present on his face. Shepard rarely became angry, but at this point found it hard to restrain.

The Illusive Man walked towards Shepard, "Cerberus is humanity, I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions, too headstrong too idealistic," he mirrored Shepard's posture and tone.

"I don't need your approval, humanity needs a leader who looks out for them, the Reapers are coming," Shepard growled, he was getting sick of this man and of the organisation. "From now on I'm doing things my way," Shepard turned away slightly.

The other man took a short hurried drag, "Don't turn your back on me Shepard, I made you, I brought you back from the dead," he shouted at Shepard, his eye implants glowing spectacularly.

"Joker lose this channel," Shepard turned and walked through the door with his famous crooked smile on his lips, he'd wanted to do that since he met the man. Shepard looked down at the blood stained arm, he didn't realise it was that bad. He was going to round up the ground team first, but as it stood he decided he had better go speak to Dr Chakwas before that, she would always scold him when he would put other things before his health. "Joker tell the crew to assemble in the briefing room in twenty minutes," Shepard began to walk towards the elevator.

"Aye Aye," Joker's voice confirmed as Shepard entered the elevator hoping it was working; he didn't fancy the idea of ladder climbing with a gunshot wound. Shepard thought quickly and decided he had to do one thing before seeing the Doctor, she wouldn't be happy but this was necessary. Shepard hit the button for his personal cabin, thankfully the elevator crawled up to Deck one.

As he entered cabin he saw the extent of the damage, with water everywhere from the fish tank at that point he was thankful he never had any fish in it. Also the ceiling no longer had the view of the stars but a large metal plate, obviously the glass had broke. Thankfully Shepard's personal terminal was still lit up in the corner of the room, which seemed relatively undamaged, he quickly went over and signed into his messages a small box came up it read;_ Message cancelled._ Shepard breathed a small sigh of relief; he had set a small message to send to Ashley if he didn't sign in after 15 hours, in case the worst scenario had actually happened. Just as he was about to log out Shepard saw he had a message from...Ash, he smirked and opened it reading the simple four word response she had put, that brought him a strange sense of relief that he couldn't quite explain.

Smiling_,_ he opened up a reply;

_Ash, I'm alive! Just thought you'd like to know, also I'll be at the Citadel in 34 hours. Wondering if you want to meet up, for a drink and such? Meet me at the Dark Star, hopefully I will be seeing you soon. Hope you get this message._

_Shepard._

Shepard had already put all his feelings into his previous message, plus he felt that Ash would appreciate the casual tone neither of the pair were big on the 'serious' talks, although they were perhaps inevitable. He was unsure whether or not the Dark Star was the right place, but he would simply take her somewhere else once they met up. Shepard quickly hit the send button before swiftly taking the elevator down to the third floor.

Shepard entered the infirmary to see Doctor Chakwas tending to Private Matthews leaning over the man checking heart rates and such. She looked up at his entrance Shepard's eyes filled with concern for the crew member, "Just a mild concussion," she reassured reading the worry off his face. She then quickly scanned over his body, eyes quickly focusing on the gouging wound upon his right arm, "Take a seat," she sighed as she went over to the cabinet to retrieve some medical supplies.

Shepard obliged and began to remove the plates of his armour, "Sorry Doc, I tried," he smirked as he removed his large chest plate and leaned round the back to unzip the blood stained mesh and undershirt slowly easing it off his stinging arms leaving his torso bare, with the deep gash staining his arm.

Chakwas laid down the supplies next to him, "The day I don't have to fix you up will be a miracle," she chuckled slightly even though she gave Shepard a hard time, they both knew it was a joke. "And Shepard, you made the right decision," She spoke softly as she inspected the wound on his arm.

Shepard smiled knowing exactly what she meant, "Thanks Doc, I couldn't let him have the base he'd want to make his own Reaper next," he explained. The Doctor applied some medi-gel to his arm easing the stinging sensation slightly.

"I'm going to remove the bullet it's lodged," She said as she pulled out some sort of device that scanned the arm. "So we're going to the Citadel yes?" She said trying to distract him from the certain pain that he was going to feel, admittedly he had had bullets removed before but it wasn't really something you got used to.

"Yeah, for repairs," Shepard hissed as the device plucked the bullet from its embedded position within his flesh.

"Oh? Well Omega's closer," Chakwas hinted she could read Shepard like a book (Not that anyone read books anymore, everything was all digital.)

Shepard looked up at Chakwas who had a knowing smile on her face, "True, but Ash isn't on Omega," he smiled, there was no point in trying to avoid her coy words, she'd find out anyway. He'd told her about Ash when he shared the brandy with her, how much he missed her and such, it was obvious she would figure out his true reasons for going to the Citadel.

Chakwas began to wrap a medi-gel soaked bandage tightly around the wound, "So you're seeing her? Good, you both deserve something," Chakwas commented in the voice a mother would use on their own son or daughter. "You've both been through a lot," she mused.

"Doc, I'm sitting right here," Shepard felt himself blush slightly he wasn't a fan of talking about his love li ...relationships; he thought it was perhaps the brandy that got him to talk to her about Ash the first time. It was a bit like the way a mother would speak to her son about his crush, Shepard held Chakwas as a mother figure since he'd come aboard the Normandy, she was kind, caring and her British accent was all very soothing. Truthfully there were times when Shepard simply wished his mother was with him, admittedly he barely ever saw he when he was a child but it was the fact she was always there if he needed her. After Horizon was one of those times;

_Shepard strode into the Normandy, after the silent three minute shuttle journey with Grunt and Garrus who were trailing quite a few metres behind their leader. His head down focusing on the metal floor panels, like bathroom tiles. Tears not only of sadness but now anger gathered in his eyes. "Commander got an incoming call from The Illusive Man," Joker informed Shepard seemingly ignorant to what had happened on Horizon. _

"_Tell him to fuck off," Shepard growled as he walked down the eternal walkway in silence head still down and fixated on the floor, multiple crew members looked up but then quickly looked away again pretending not to see their Commander's state, almost scared to make eye contact with their normally friendly, calm and collected Commanding Officer. Even Kelly seemed to completely ignore him as he made a break for the elevator, practically punching the button for Deck One. _

_Shepard was pacing in the elevator cursing under his breath, he couldn't change it now it was done. The elevator opened as Shepard raced into his cabin; his blue biotic corona radiating dramatically, Shepard quickly focused his energy on the stack of pillows on his bed, sending them flying round the room. He let out a deep exasperated breath before sitting on the couch head in hands, as his biotics dimmed down, taking away the blue aura from his body. He sat up, she was gone, she turned away from him; rightfully in Shepard's mind. He was a traitor, not only to the Alliance but to himself and his mother. Shepard punched the hard leather of the couch in frustration, tears streaming down his face. He didn't like it, he felt vulnerable, exposed and weak. Shepard never cried. _

"I know you are. I just simply hope you get what you deserve," Shepard's memory jutted as he came back to the present day, Chakwas was just finishing off wrapping up his arm as she finished she looked up and patted him on the shoulder smiling a heart-warming smile.

"Thank you Doctor, do you think...she'll you know take me back?" Shepard asked quietly despite the fact they were the only two people in the infirmary apart from the unconscious Matthews of course.

"Not my place to say," Chakwas paused, and looked up at Shepard to see his head drop slightly in worry, "But, I do believe from what you've told me she does care deeply for you," Chakwas quickly finished. "Now go, the teams waiting for you."

Shepard smiled as the Doctor shooed him out of the room, quickly pulling his undershirt back up and zipping it up as he took the elevator up to congratulate his team of heroes.

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><p>Ashley sat up and quickly ran over to her terminal which had just beeped notifying her of a new message, she swiftly opened up the message and let out a large sigh. It was from Miloke the Salarian that was evaluating her for her admission to the Spectres, the message simply reminding her of the meeting she had to have with the Council in six hours.<p>

Ash ran a hand over her head in worry it had been ten hours since Shepard sent his message to her, Ash thudded herself back down on the couch trying to figure out how long it would actually take for him to storm this base, numbers rushing through her head. She couldn't lie she was beginning to feel anxious over his well-being. Ash swallowed hard her throat dry, so she stood and went over to the small kitchenette in the apartment, pouring herself a glass of water before quickly gulping down the glass.

Since when did she worry so much? She didn't know why she was feeling such anxiety; it had only been eight hours since he had actually gotten through the relay, plus who was she to say that the first thing he'd do when he got back aboard the Normandy would be to message her? It was times like these when Ash actually wished she was working to take her mind off the current situation, she'd tried to concentrate on the paperwork she was given but to no avail. Ash could barely remember the last time she was this worried for another human being, but then quickly realised that it was for the same person she was worrying about now.

_Ash looked over Shepard's prone body lying on the uncomfortable bed in the sick bay, blood stained bandages wrapped around his abdomen; the amount of blood he must have lost was staggering. He looked very peaceful in his unconscious state, although occasionally a twitch of his fingers would make itself known. This was all her fault if she would have been more aware of the varren that was behind her, he wouldn't have had to push her out of the way; leaving himself at the mercy of the vicious beast, which thankfully Wrex rapidly wrestled the varren off Shepard although not before it tore through his abdomen. _

_Doctor Chakwas came over and did a quick scan with her omni-tool of the Commander before injecting some more medi-gel Shepard's neck. "How's he doing?" Ash muttered quietly, feeling concern for her Commander, friend...and perhaps something more. _

"_He's lost a lot of blood, but he's been through worse," the Doctor spoke she was fully aware of the situation and what had happened groundside. "It's not your fault dear," Chakwas reassured the disheartened woman who sat before her. "He would've saved anyone not just you, no concerns for his own health that man," the Doctor continued to muse, wondering whether Ashley would've picked up her subtle hint about the pair. _

_Ash raised a questioning eyebrow at the Doctor picking up the fact that the Doctor knew more about the two of them than Ash would like her to although Ash did trust Chakwas it was just the principle. Despite this Ash decided not to pick up on it. "He's definitely the best Commander I've served under," Ash admitted to the Doctor. "Good at the hero thing," Ash chuckled lightly trying to ease her conscious; Chakwas also chuckled at the marine._

"_That he is," she finished before returning to her desk busying herself with paperwork and medical charts. _

_Ash lifted her hand up cautiously before caressing his cheek, still feeling bad that he was even in this situation, she exhaled loudly before removing her hand suddenly aware Chakwas was sat barely metres away. She would just have to wait._

With that time her worry was in vain as he woke up and was up and walking about only seven hours later. There was that one time when her worry about him was justified, although she didn't feel like reliving that moment at any time ever again, she still had nightmares about it. Ash shook away the thoughts, with the sound of her terminal beeping again. Wearily standing she stumbled to the terminal opening up the message.

Ash smiled widely and felt herself become slightly lightheaded as she took in the name of the sender; Craig Shepard. She knew he would do it, she just knew. Hastily she opened up the message reading the words carefully, smiling as she did at the relaxed tone he used.

Her eyes focused; he'd be here in 34 hours? And he wanted to meet up with her? Ash felt her heart pound what was she going to do, she'd definitely meet with him. But what did he want to say to her? There were so many questions she wanted to ask him and probably vice versa. Ash opened up a reply;

_I'll be there Skipper. _

Quickly hitting send she read over his short message once again, The Dark Star. She knew the place, good vibe, good beer generally a nice place although maybe she would've preferred something a bit quieter? She wasn't sure, knowing him he'd probably want to take her out somewhere else, but that also begged the question of what she should wear? She just didn't know. She read over the last line chuckling to herself; _Hope you get this message. _She hadn't been doing anything but waiting to get his message. Ash sat down, this was going to be a long 34 hours.


End file.
